One of the saddest situations happens when a child has been bribed or manipulated into turning against the mother--and frequently this mother is, in our opinions, the better of the two parents. A case we are actively working with right now illustrates what we are talking about. The mother, a warm and hard-working professional, runs into all of the following from her ten year old daughter, when she tries to phone or comes to pick the girl up for a visit.
"I don't want to talk now. I'm busy." (The child slams the phone down.)
"You know I don't like to see you!"
"You're bothering us; don't call me !" (The mother, rightly, wonders who the "us" is in this statement.)
And the mother frequently hears what is a sure sign of a bribed or manipulated child, words and sentences that are obviously not of the child's own creation, but rather from the bitter and vindictive other parent:
"You decided to leave us. This is all your fault. You're not entitled to share in my life anymore."
Unfortunately, most mothers singled out to be the victims of such vitriolic attacks are poorly equipped to deal with them. They start out trying to be calm and loving, but all too soon are worn down by the hurt, frustration and road blocks continuously thrown up when they attempt contacts with the child. They end up either retreating, or counter-attacking---neither of which can lead to a happy outcome. It is essential that mothers caught up in this kind of trap learn the four strategies that can be truly effective and helpful in this situation.
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